Misery
by celticgina
Summary: How would it work after they make our poor lovers make the choice? GRIGSBY of Course. but Jane and the crew get to weigh in. Case-fic too. FINALLY...Chapter 5.....Revelations!
1. Chapter 1

**This is a little bit of a case fic, tied up with that "what will they do" horror scenario that seems to be hanging over our poor babies.**

**DISCLAIMER: Only this awful attack of allergies.**

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**Misery - 1**

The die was cast. Rubicon crossed. They were forced into it and after only 2 days, came up with a solution that made no one happy. They both recognized that no matter who transferred, there would be resentment. They decided to give themselves 6 months. After that time, they would talk again. Maybe being apart would give them time to assess their priorities. It was for the best. They knew going into this it would be flouting the rules. After all, they had tried to convince themselves, they were lucky to have gotten away with it for as long as they had.

So, they met with Hightower and gave her the decision. They chose their jobs. They assured her they were professionals and had made a mature decision. They were not sneaking around. She took in the tight set of their jaws and believed them. After reminding them this was not to be a soap opera, and she would tolerate no dramatics, she sent them back to work.

Tightly controlled, they kept their words. But they were both miserable. They each tried to pretend at work, but they were working with the worst people to try fooling. Jane was a former 'psychic', Cho was one of the best interrogators in the state and Lisbon was a seasoned, smart detective. They all knew. Jane tried to make light of the situation once. But after both Lisbon and Cho, each pulled him aside to tell him to leave them alone, he actually let it be.

This had gone on for a few months. Cases cam and went. Jane annoyed Hightower and managed to land on his feet each time. Cho tried to hide his happiness in his relationship. The whole tone of the unit had changed. Even when Wayne was pining for Grace, he was a happy guy. Now he was more serious. He wasn't morose all the time, for his good nature wouldn't allow that. But that big grin was harder to find.

Grace was quieter. She worked even harder, if that were possible. Lisbon tried not to pair them together too often at first. While she understand and respected Hightower's decision, she felt sympathy for the young couple. Over time, she began to put them together for short periods. After all, she couldn't run her unit around their broken hearts. And she knew those hearts were badly bruised.

At first, they barely spoke to each other. As cases needed to be solved, they managed to find a professional air that they used when they spoke to each other.

It would have all stayed in a holding pattern like that had the AG's niece's best friend not had the honeymoon from hell. Lisbon's team had just finished a hellacious case involving young boys being tortured. Hightower came into the bullpen and interrupted their case closed lunch.

"You have another case. I took a call from the AG on this one personally. He has a personal interest in this case and insists on our top unit. That's you. It involves a creep who has been blackmailing people on their honeymoon. We are assisting the sex crimes unit on this one. This person has been video taping people having sex on their wedding night and threatening to post it on line. His latest victim is best friends with the AG's niece."

They haven't been able to follow the money?"

Hightower wasn't surprised Van Pelt asked that question.

"No, because we only have two sets of victims willing to come forward. Each time the money transfer has been different. We need to catch the creep actually taping the victims and follow the electronic trail that the remote activated camera leaves. It could be an employee, or a someone who worked on this hotel."

"How do you plan to do that? If it's in the honeymoon suite, you would have to have someone acting like they are on their honeymoon…" Rigsby's voice dropped off as he realized what he was suggesting. Who would they get to do that?

As the five looked at each other, they each got an uneasy feeling about this. As it turned out, only two of them were right.

"They have to seem young, in love and good looking enough for this person to think he would make money on porn of them. The AG has given us carte blanche to solve this however we need to. I am aware this may be uncomfortable given the circumstances…"

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**Yeah this is probably cruel to leave this hanging, but the bunnies are in an angst mood today. Hoping those smutty ones get a chance to weigh in on this story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yeah, the bunnies are in a really pissy mood today. The preview of them making out on the bed is making them happy, but we all know what's coming!**

**DISCLAIMER: The bunnies are saving up to buy them for me. Till then, they belong to CBS and Heller**

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MISERY - 2

It wasn't awkward. It was a living nightmare. Grace was pretty sure she was going to need to see a specialist about her clenched jaw after this case was over. It turned out that of course, Hightower thought she and Wayne would be the best agents to send undercover as a honeymooning couple. Was the woman seriously trying to kill her?

Fortunatley, the agents in sex crimes and tech who were involved in this case were pretty nice. Most of the CBI knew about them anyway and apparently knew about Hightower's ultimatum. There was no sly remarks or stupid jokes. Everyone seemed to get how hard this was for them both. Actually, she wasn't sure if the jokes wouldn't have been easier than their obvious pity.

So, there they were at the Capital Grande Hotel, the newest luxury hotel in the area. It was so big, it was almost a resort. They had checked into the honeymoon suite as Mr. and Mrs. Roger Winston, newly married and very wealthy. With smiles plastered on their faces, they were stuck between heaven and hell. They could touch and kiss each other, but knew they were being watched by the surveillance teams in place. Thankfully, they were not wired themselves. It was determined that this creep was capable of detecting electronic equipment on them. So they could communicate as themselves to each other in their ears only.

Tonight was going to be the worst. But before that, they had to be seen around the hotel. So after checking in, they went to the pool. Seeing that much of each other's skin and bodies again was a form of sweet torture. Wayne had almost convinced himself that her skin wasn't really that lovely and soft. Grace had decided that she had exaggerated in her fevered memories, the sheer breadth of his shoulders. Even though she knew it was only going to hurt her more, she drank in the sight and tucked it back into her memories. She would need to call on this for those lonely nights.

The couples massage almost killed Wayne. Hearing the involuntary sounds of pleasure coming from Grace's lips put him into a very obviously appreciative state. This was getting harder and harder, he thought, pun intended.

Only those who knew them well would have guessed what they were going through. Lisbon felt it only right to monitor the surveillance from the room one floor below them. To any one else, they looked like a rich, happy, gorgeous and in love couple. The kind of couples others watched and envied. Lisbon, Cho and Jane could see the tell tale signs of tension radiating from them. But they knew them.

A romantic dinner in the hotel dining room and a few turns around the dance floor completed the evening. They had been seen and spent money without a care. As per their instructions, they followed the same agenda as the only two couples who had come forward. The AG was sure there were others.

Each one kept reminding themselves this was all just a show. It didn't mean anything. Eyes were watching their every move. They were not Wayne and Grace, lovers, but the Winstons, newly married and well to do. The evening ahead and what was expected had them on the razor's edge. They put it off just a little bit longer by taking a short walk in the gardens. When Wayne stopped and pulled Grace into his arms for a public kiss, she had to fight herself.

All she wanted to do was lose herself in his arms. The feel of them around her, holding her tight to his chest was killing her. For one brief moment, they allowed themselves the luxury of a real kiss. Not as agents, not as the fictional Winstons, but as themselves. They tasted each other and the real passion they shared, but were forced to give up. Tongues danced and twined, tasting and nipping lips. He held her face in his large hand and just feasted on her. She feasted back for that bittersweet moment. At the same time, they pulled themselves back a bit. Neither had to speak, they both knew they had crossed the line.

Hands entwined, they slowly strolled back through the lobby to the elevators. Whatever brief fantasy they had allowed themselves vanished when they spotted Cho working at the front desk. His nod could have been a hotel worker acknowledging the guest. It was more and they knew it. It was a comfort to know a good friend who understood was standing by.

Lisbon had insisted she be there for the night shift on this stakeout. She knew what was coming and how difficult this would be. The less eyes watching the better.

The elevator ride was silent, but they had been instructed that this suspect probably had other areas of the hotel wired. They had to assume no privacy in places like elevators. He kept a loose arm around her waist, partially to maintain the cover and partially as a connection to the real them.

The lights in the suite were dimmed, a bottle of champagne was chilling and a tray of chocolate dipped strawberries awaited. It was a perfect setting for romance. A part of Grace mourned that it was wasted on two people who would have loved it if only they were not agents on a case. She swallowed her sad sigh and kept up the pretense.

After drinking a little champagne, they slowly headed into the bedroom. The king sized bed there mocked them. Wayne used to joke about his bed being too small and how one day they would have a California King so he would have plenty of room to 'operate'. It used to make them both laugh. The quick glance he gave her with a small twist of his lips said he hadn't forgotten.

They carefully kissed and caressed, and only unbuttoned enough to show a little skin before they climbed under the covers. He still had his pants on, and she was still wearing her cami and underwear. They knew they were expected to put on a show only. Heaven and hell, they both thought.

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**Oh for God's Sake!! Someone feed my bunnies reviews and chocolate!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**The smut bunnies are trying here folks.**

**DISCLAIMER: I am willing to swap bunnies for them….**

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**Misery - 3**

Heaven, she decided. Feeling his weight pressing her into the mattress was heaven. Of all the things she had missed, she hadn't catalogued that feeling. She was a big woman, tall and strong. But being cocooned by his warmth and muscles in a bed had always made her feel safe and loved. No matter what devices a woman owned, nothing could replicate that feeling. She allowed herself a brief moment to savor it.

Without thinking, she pushed herself against him, seeking more of that glorious contact. It didn't matter that they still were wearing too many clothes. Every part of her body craved the sensation. She even allowed herself a slight hum of contentment. Until she saw his face.

It was drawn up into a tightly clenched mask of agony. Without thinking, she raised her hand to his cheek and whispered, "baby, are you ok?"

"Don't. This is killing me as it is."

She had almost forgotten. The shear deliciousness of the sensations had made her lose their objective. It was not pleasing and loving each other. It was putting on a show for a sick creep so the CBI could catch him. They had been told to make it look good and to generate some actual body heat. Apparently, they were sure the sicko used a heat triggered motion detecting camera. Who knew that even existed. So they were told to make it hot.

Well that would have been awkward with anyone. But to be asked to do this with the one man who's very presence in a room made her blood simmer it was too easy. Oh yeah, that's right. They were not allowed by the freaking rules to feel that way about each other.

Grace had always been the girl who obeyed the rules. She was the coach's daughter. It meant that in their little town, every action would be weighed and measured. She learned early to just follow the plan. Suddenly, that careful quiet girl got angry. Frankly this was bullshit. This was going to kill them both. Fuck it! If the CBI wanted to use them, they would use them right back.

She put both her hands on her lover's strained face. Reaching up to whisper in his ear, she hoped he would agree.

"Baby, listen to me. No one at the CBI can REALLY see what we are doing, right? They are too busy looking for the signal from the camera. They are putting us in an untenable position. Screw them all. I have you in bed with me and don't plan to waste it."

She finished this barely whispered speech with a caress of his ear by her seeking tongue. She reached down and slipped her hands under his pants and slid them down his long legs. Using her agile legs and feet, she shoved them off him completely. The sensation of his bare legs, with his hair tickling hers made her even hotter. She pulled him into the cradle of her thighs.

Poor Wayne was in agony. He wanted nothing more than to respond this rule-breaking Grace. His body was telling him one thing, his sense of duty said another. They fought with each other. When she slid her hand down to stroke him through the underwear, duty suddenly found itself being shown the door. This was the woman he loved in his arms, stroking, kissing and caressing him. Screw duty. Screw the CBI. They put them in this position. They were told to generate some heat. Generate some heat? Hell, they could burn the place down.

Grace knew the moment he was on board with her plan. Instead of holding himself stiffly away from her, he pressed his full weight against her, sliding his legs up and down along hers. That happy grin, so long missing, flashed briefly before his lips came crashing down on hers. His mouth, so long denied her taste, took charge and demanded a response. Her delighted moan vibrated through him and he would have grinned again, if his mouth were not so busy.

For a long moment, they did nothing more than kiss and enjoy the slide of skin against skin, their long bodies relishing the feel of each others. But those hands that had been under strict control by their brains, would not be denied any longer. Pulling himself back just enough to allow his hands to slide under those tiny scraps of fabric covering her, Wayne's delighted fingers traced every inch of her satin softness. Grace signaled her approval of this plan by tipping her hips upwards to grind against his hardness. At the sensation, they both stopped and their eyes met.

He had been sure that his lonely brain must have exaggerated how sexy and gorgeous she looked under him when they made love. No one could look that good. He had actually decided that it was his misery playing tricks on his memory. At that moment, his brain sent a fevered apology to his memory. She looked even better. Her white skin was flushed as her body arched toward him. That smile was her real smile, not the polite one she often used. Enough looking, his libido reminded him, they had better things to do!

His blue eyes stroked and caressed her just as surely as his hands. She knew when they darkened to that deep blue, he was all hers. Every inch of her body smiled, with happiness, so her face joined in.

His hands were stroking her breasts and she lifted herself without though toward the sensation. When his head lowered to taste what his hands had been shaping, she let out a small sigh of happiness. When they first became lovers, there had been no awkwardness. He seemed to know instinctively what she wanted and needed and how to play her body. She remembered how surprised she had been at sweet shy Wayne's ability to turn her inside out several times. Now, she accepted it as a given.

Grace ran her fingers through his short soft hair, lightly raking her nails along his scalp. Even if they weren't making love, it was something he loved. He would lay his big head on her lap as they watched TV, and she would trail her fingers through his hair. Ah, there it was, that hum of contentment. It was like having a lion purring for you.

As much as they each wanted to savor and catalogue each sensation, they both knew time was not on their side. Wayne slid his long fingers under the small sliver of lace covering her wetness. His thumb slowly circled and pressed against her as his long finger stroked easily into her wet heat. The purr of contentment changed to a small growl of desire.

She was more than ready and so was he. The only thing that could make this moment better was…Cho's voice. What? Cho's voice?

The banging they had assumed was their heartbeats turned out to be the door and Cho yelling, "Rigsby, Van Pelt! We got him! We need you both downstairs now"

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**Cruel? Hell yeah. But the angst bunnies are real bitches. Review and chocolates help**.

**BTW...I am hoping this inspires some of the GRIGBY contingent out here to do some writing!! I know we are all depressed about what crap they are about to throw at us. That's why FANFICTION was invented! So we, who know so much better, can fix those messes!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I know, I know! This was cruel, but those angst bunnies are bitches aren't they? Working on finding the smut and fluff bunnies. If you find them, send them my way?**

**DISCLAIMER: Own my heartbreak at what they are going to do on the show to my fave couple!**

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MISERY - Chapter 4

Ignoring the banging and his voice was not an option. Their bodies were all for that idea, but the good agents they were at heart wouldn't listen. Drawing harsh breaths, they forced themselves apart. Wayne threw himself on the mattress next to her, not allowing any part of him to touch her. The banging on the door came again.

"Guys?"

"Throw something over you and go to the door. I am not in a fit state…"

Grace nodded sympathetically. Her hand just started toward him before her brain kicked in. She stopped her self and threw his shirt over her for now. It covered better than anything else. Then she spotted the complimentary robe. Pulling that on over the whole thing, she hurried to the door. She didn't want Cho to come in. She knew Cho didn't want that either.

Cho's normally stoic face was a mask of stone. His eyes, refusing to meet Grace's were the only tell of his embarrassment. He was pretty sure what he must have interrupted. But he also knew that if anyone was going to knock on the door and hurt them like this, it would be him. He knew it would be that much harder for them to have someone who truly didn't understand what this undercover operation was costing his friends.

"Van Pelt. We got a fix pretty fast. It was closer than we thought. The maintenance guy had his equipment hidden in a tool shed. They want you two to come down to the ops center and write up your statements. I think I can buy you about 15 or so minutes and then Hightower will send someone else up."

He finally worked up enough courage to look Grace in the eye. She gave him a half smile. "Thanks, Cho. I understand. We'll be there ASAP."

Walking back into the bedroom, Grace saw Wayne sitting on the side of the bed, clad only in his boxers. His head was in his hands, elbows on his knees. For just a brief moment, she drank in the sight of him. His long, muscular body was a thing of beauty. She missed seeing it with out clothes. Her heart literally ached at the thought of never seeing him like this again. They were amazing together physically, but it was the connection she had felt with him on every other level that she missed too.

Swallowing the sigh that was ready to pull her into a deeper depression, she forced herself to be calm. Wayne had always fed off her moods. This would be hard enough for him. As it was, she wanted nothing more than to run over and throw herself across his lap and jump back into bed. That wasn't possible.

"So, I am not sure Cho will ever be able to look me in the eyes. I think there was almost emotion on his face. It was a maintenance man. They need us in the ops center right away." Her voice was matter of fact, slightly perky and sounded a little like a flight attendant to herself. She hated it.

Wayne's head snapped up to look at Grace. Her hair was still mussed and she had swathed that glorious body in a Hotel Robe. He knew her well enough to see the tension that she tried so hard to hide. It reminded him that he was not in hell alone. He took a deep breath and forced himself to meet her state of calm.

"Well, I guess you better give me back my shirt then. Unless you think Hightower would think this was a good look for agents?" His big grin was there, but she could see the strain.

"Well, it's pretty wrinkled. Put a clean one on. We have to get our stuff together and get our of her pretty quick."

She turned her and started for the bathroom to get dressed. His voice, from right behind her, suddenly stopped her.

"Grace, when this case is over and we have time, can we talk?"

She could feel his presence and his voice vibrating through her. She had forgotten how quickly he could move. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the shaft of heat that swept through her. She made the mistake of looking up at him. His eyes were that dark blue she had learned to associate with passion.

Holding up a hand to force some distance between them, she stopped his words. They couldn't do this now. She couldn't do this now.

"Wayne, not now. Please dear God, not now. Let's just get through this. Please?"

The edge of pain in her voice tore at him. He stepped back and nodded. They would have this conversation, but maybe not now, but by God, they were talking. He promised himself that.

It was two law enforcement professionals who showed up at the ops headquarters 10 minutes later. Mr. and Mrs. Roger Winston, honeymoon couple were gone. In their place stood Special Agents Rigsby and Van Pelt.

Hightower was pleased. She knew she had put them in a tough spot. They were her agents and they were professionals. This unit and the CBI were tightening up. That had been her directive, and she was pleased to be succeeding.

Back at CBI Headquarters, the team headed for their respective desks to write up the reports. Wayne and Grace were still on edge, their bodies humming with unfulfilled desires, their hearts breaking all over again.

She could feel his eyes on her. Again. It was that first year they worked together all over again. She used to feel his eyes on her then too. But then, it was just sort of sweet, now, it was driving her crazy. If she looked up and made eye contact….Damn it! She just did. The look in his eyes said it all. She knew what he was thinking, what he was remembering about tonight. That look in his eyes was one she knew well. It was hot and full of heavy promise. It was a look that told her he could finish what they started in that hotel room.

Her body responded despite her best efforts. As their eyes remained locked in that long moment, her breasts tingled, nipples tightening. Breathing was something she had forgotten how to do and heat from that look seared right down to her heavy throbbing core. She couldn't do this. Grace jumped up and headed for the stairs. She got up to roof where she could breathe.

When the door opened behind her, Patrick Jane's voice was the last she expected to hear.

"How much longer are you going to run from this? Real love is a gift, Grace. It can be snatched from you in an instant. Stop and decide to accept it"

He was surprised by the anguish and tears on the pretty young woman's face. In all the time he had worked with her, Jane knew Grace was a sensitive soul, but she had always maintained an air of professional stoicism.

"Jane…just go! Leave me a moment's peace! I am not a game or something to amuse you. This is my life! Do you understand that?"

Jane stared at her for a long moment, and finally giving a short nod, he left. He passed Wayne at the bottom of the stairs looking up with his heart in his big blue eyes.

"Are you going to her? She for sure needs you more than ever. I don't know what you were thinking to toss away what you have for a job? Jobs come and go. This is your life. The reason you get up in the morning."

Jane watched the big man's anguish and indecision with a mixture of digust and anger. This ended now. He headed for Hightower's office.

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**Yeah, it's time for someone to take that B**ch down!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I am sorry this took so long to update. The bunnies just took off on me. And I looked, really, I did! I just couldn't get this right. I hope it works?**

**Ok, I hated the ending last time. I thought her not wanting the responsibility was lame. So she took the responsibility of breaking them up instead? Huh? BUT we did get a smoking hot kiss. That man looked like he was having too much fun. Lucky girl!**

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned them, we would see so many more of those kisses!**

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**MISERY - Chapter 5**

Lisbon was exhausted. After they got back, she hid in her office to finish up the paperwork. Watching the toll this case took on Van Pelt and Rigsby had taken all her strength to remain professional. The slight hum of activity from the bullpen as she worked was a balm to her. It was the lack of that sound that alerted her. Too quiet was never good. She looked out of her office. Van Pelt, Rigsby, Jane and Cho were all gone. This was going to be bad.

Walking through the office looking for them, she observed their desks had been left in the middle of tasks. This was getting worse. Cho never just walked away from work. Actually, neither did Van Pelt. As she headed around the corner, she could hear raised voices from Hightower's office. Shockingly, one of those voices belonged to Cho.

Cho had watched Van Pelt, Rigsby and then Jane get up and leave quickly. All this drama was the reason he hated romance or too much personal information in the work place. But he also hated his unit being torn apart for no real reason. Yeah, they weren't supposed to date, but since it didn't impact how well they worked, he really didn't understand the problem. He did understand that Hightower was using them to flex her control. She was assigned the job of shining up the CBI's tarnished reputation. He understood that too. And he would have kept all this to himself had Hightower not poked the sleeping tiger.

It all seemed normal enough. His extension rang and he was requested to come into the Chief's office. She made it sound like a request, but he knew a summons when he heard one. He debated for a brief moment making her wait until he was finished, but just decided to get this over with. The work would be his excuse to get out of the office. Always have an exit strategy. He learned that in the military and used it as an agent.

"Agent Cho. I wanted to get your feedback on this case. I have noticed you have a very keen eye. It aids your interrogation technique which is very impressive as well."

"Ma'am?"

"What part of that didn't you understand? This was a joint effort between several units. As a senior agent who should be on track to be a unit leader, I think we should review what went right and wrong. Part of my job is to develop future unit leaders."

"Everyone did their job, we apprehended a suspect. All the agents came back in"

"Interesting choice of words. You didn't say that no one got hurt. You think your friends got hurt on this. I picked them for a reason. Yes, there were other agents who might have been able to pull this off. But I needed them to learn they were agents first. And my experiment worked."

"Experiment?" The one word slipped out in shock. She had experimented with Rigsby and Van Pelt?

"Yes, they proved themselves to be professionals."

He could feel the rage boiling. He understood rules were rules, but to play with them. Forcing his face to remain calm he tried to employ his exit strategy. "If there is nothing else, I have paperwork to finish for this case."

"Agent Cho, if you plan to be a unit leader, you will need to learn to make those hard calls. It's why I shared this with you. Forcing their hand was the only way to be sure they were being professional. And it worked, very well."

"Very well? Very well? They were working as complete professionals before you forced them to separate. When Van Pelt was shot, Rigsby did exactly what he would have done for any agent. He checked his partner and when she told him she was good, he went for the perp. While they were seeing each other, this unit continued to close cases at a very high rate."

He was unaware his voice was getting louder. Lisbon could hear it from down the hall.

"I may never be a unit leader or chief like you. I can live with that. This job was never about my ambition. For you it is about ambition. Good for you."

"Agent Cho! You overstep!"

"Overstep? Or what? You will bring me up on charges? You will bring up Van Pelt and Rigsby? You can't hurt them more than you have. You have been sucking the life out of them. Yeah, I know, only Jane has a golden ticket in this unit. The rest of us are expendable. But you might want to look at how many units and how many agents Jane burned through before he settled with our unit."

"CHO!"

Lisbon's voice cut through the rest of his comments. He stopped, gathered himself and his face settled back down to its normal calm manner. He drew himself up into attention and awaited his fate. He had stepped over a line big time and he knew it.

Lisbon frantically tried some damage control. Her team was hurting. She didn't need to lose her right hand. First she had to get him out of here.

"Cho, I noticed there were reports that needed to be finished on your desk. Why don't you get back to them now?"

Cho started for door, but was backed into the office by the arrival of Jane.

"Agent Cho makes a very good point. I lost track of how many units I went through. And even when I did settle here finally, there were quite a few agents who just weren't, well let's say comfortable with my investigative style. Agent Van Pelt has really held her own, I would say, wouldn't you, Agent Lisbon?"

One look at Hightower's face and Lisbon knew any shot she had of salvaging this mess was over. Hightower would not take this well. She was going to exact vengeance and Lisbon was pretty sure how that would happen.

"Finish what you wanted to say Cho. I think it's only right that Agent Hightower know that you know it all."

"Jane!" Hissing his name in an exasperated tone under her breath had become second nature to Lisbon. He very rarely listened, but she still had to try. It was like reminding a small child of manners. You could only hope eventually he would get it. He didn't this time either.

"All of what? What is it you think you know, Agent Cho?"

Cho shot a furious look at Jane. It was an ace up the sleeve, the big gun he didn't want to pull out. He again tried to head for the door, using his silence as a shield. Yet again, he was pushed in by an arrival. This time it was grim faced Rigsby and a plainly shaken Van Pelt. Screw it. He wasn't wussing out.

"Go ahead, Cho. She knows what's coming. She doesn't think anyone here knows or would care. She had forgotten how small a community law enforcement really is. Or have you?"

A puzzled look was the common expression shared by everyone but Jane and Cho. Even Hightower looked curious.

"Fast Eddie Conroy"

The puzzled look remained on everyone's face but Hightower. She let out the smallest of sounds, almost a gasp and sat down hard. That name. That damned name. She was sure that ghost was dead and buried. How the hell did they find out?

"I wasn't going to say anything. I figured we all had things or people in our past that needed to stay there. I respected that. I understand it was why you were so insistent on breaking them up. Breaking them up sucked, but playing with their heads to prove your control? That stepped over a line"

"Who is Fast Eddie Conroy?" Typically, it was Rigsby, who asked the question.

"Should I tell them or do you want to?"

"I will. But this does not leave this office. We are all understood?'

Even though some of them were still in the dark, they agreed. Lisbon was beginning to guess what the name meant to Hightower.

Hightower's voice was soft as she began her story. Truthfully, it never got loud, just slightly more sure. At first, she sounded distant from it, but as time went on, her connection to the tale became stronger.

"I was a rookie cop in Los Angeles. I was pretty young to be a cop. I was going to make real difference in my community. I was going to be a role model to other black women. We didn't need to be men's playthings. We could be strong and still feminine. I was pretty sure, as the arrogance of youth allowed, that I could handle this all… Sergeant Edward J. Conroy was 10 years my senior. Tall, strong, and smart. He was ambitious and a straight arrow. He got the nickname when he was a rookie. He used to be able to run anyone down, sort of the way you do, Rigsby. You remind me a little of him, except you are white. He should have been a cocky son of a bitch, but he wasn't. He was shy and sweet. The first year I was on the job, he used to stare at me. I wasn't going to fall into that trap. I was assigned to drive him occasionally. I both dreaded and lived for those days. I knew how he felt. I knew how he made me feel. It scared the crap out of me. Sound familiar?"

Wayne and Grace exchanged glances. Grace was beginning to get a sick feeling in her stomach. Hightower's story could have been her own. She instinctively knew she didn't want to hear the rest of the. She would have sat down if she could. Instead, she widened her stance, sure she would need to brace herself somehow.

"Finally, all those stake-outs and long nights together were too much for me. He worked up the nerve to tell me how he felt. I was ecstatic and terrified. We couldn't date. We were both cops in the same precinct and he was a boss. Somehow, that didn't seem to matter."

Grace was forcing herself to remain calm during this, but couldn't resist sliding a glance at Wayne. She could see the light of understanding in his eyes. This wasn't just one of those vague cautionary tales that gets repeated to cops dating. This was real. It was her life, spread out before them. And worse, it could have been their lives.

"Yeah, the hiding and sneaking at first is kind of fun, but it gets old really fast, doesn't it?"

Neither answered out loud, but their hearts nodded in agreement. By nature, they were both too open to enjoy the clandestine nature of their relationship and it had taken a toll.

"We were found out when a drug dealer we were supposed to be watching got the drop on us. We were fighting about who should transfer so we could continue dating. Luckily, another unit was coming by to relieve us and we didn't get hurt. We did get outed. Oh, everyone knew we were dating anyway. Like you said, law enforcement is a small community, and they gossip. But now it was out in the open. The snide comments were said ourt loud. He resented me for making him look foolish, and because he would always have that mark on his record, unofficially. It broke us up. We both transferred out. I went to CBI and he moved on too."

The team all exchanged glances under lowered lids. She was right. They had gotten lucky. The knowledge of what could have been would weigh on any of them. They all lived with that survivor's guilt every day.

"I don't hate romance or young love. I understand it better than you know. But you two have to make a choice and you both chose your career. Frankly, I felt I was doing you a favor. You now know what is really important to you. And tonight's op showed you that."

She stood up very tall and looked each member of the unit in the eye. This next thing needed to be impressed upon them completely. Otherwise, her career would be dead.

"This discussion is over. It is never to be repeated, analyzed or passed on. It is not an item for the lunch table. My life is not to be displayed. I expect you to respect this. Are we understood?"

The four agents straightened as well. They knew she had given them all ammo and she expected them not to use it. She was trusting them and they were not to betray that trust.

Jane alone didn't move.

"No one plans to gossip. But I think you assume too much. Your experience has soured you. It hurt your marriage ultimately. Did your ex-husband know you were still in love with Eddie? And Rigsby and Van Pelt have something to say."

* * *

**Just a little cliffhanger. Hopefully lots of review will make happy smutty bunnies re-appear!**


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